A recent post on fb triggered this... A friends response to my fiery spiel regarding showing certain people the door in my life , made me stop and think.
The lady in question is an extremely gentle soul ; I strongly doubt she could ever rub anyone up the wrong way and the fact that what I'd said resonated with her and several others made me think...
What makes us as adults finally opt to sever ties and end relationships which we may have nurtured over the years? I'm not necessarily referring to romantic relationships solely ; in this instance I meant platonic equations.
I guess I can only speak for myself ... as someone who's nurtured and valued friendships for decades and as a Cancerian (known to be loathe to let go, we'd rather lose a pincer than end an equation ) I'm not given to knee jerk responses (at least in this regard :)) . I understand that even the most compatible equations sometimes have differences ; A lot of the time I'm happy to agree to disagree and allow sufficient space in each relationship for individuals to breathe and do their own thing. I don't judge people either and do have fairly high degrees of empathy so am (most of the time) able to see where the other person could be coming from and try always to levy the benefit of the doubt.
However I have always had a very strong response to anyone standing in judgement of another and will always shut it down unequivocally. I notice I have started drifting away from judgemental types , people with regressive views who try and force me to live within their extremely confined parameters. I'm happy in my "each to their own bubble" thank you and I certainly cannot allow people who've seen much less of the world than I have dictate the course of my life and actions.
What will guarantee me disconnecting from a friendship is a lack of respect and integrity.. (ultimately one leads to the other). If I find someone disparaging about my choices, condescending (under the guise of being caring, sorry but there are ways to communicate) and someone like me can always sense the underlying intent; do you genuinely care or are you competitive ?threatened? intimidated? jealous even?
Have you respected my time as you expect me to respect yours? Or do you expect me to be available at your whim and convenience? Do you bitch others out or speculate about their lives in my presence? You can bet your ass I know you'll be doing the same to me the second my backs turned so no I wont trust you and I wont let you near me. Gossip to me is abhorrent and has no place in my life.
I saved the best (sic) for last...those who make tall claims to care deeply, to always be there etc etc... and conveniently do a volte face when the time arrives . I have zero regard for people who make tall claims without the capability or intent to back them up. Those are the first to be shown the door. I have very little expectation from most of my relationships but if you are going to make declarations then I expect you to stand by them. And if you don't then I'm sorry but I cannot surround myself with artifice. I feel things very deeply and am always genuine so pardon me for being reluctant to dilute that energy!
Of course you know that I hold myself to these same high standards and that's what draws you to me right? You know your confidences are safe with me, you know you wont be judged and you know I will do what I say :)! Pardon me for having the courage to live in authenticity.
The lady in question is an extremely gentle soul ; I strongly doubt she could ever rub anyone up the wrong way and the fact that what I'd said resonated with her and several others made me think...
What makes us as adults finally opt to sever ties and end relationships which we may have nurtured over the years? I'm not necessarily referring to romantic relationships solely ; in this instance I meant platonic equations.
I guess I can only speak for myself ... as someone who's nurtured and valued friendships for decades and as a Cancerian (known to be loathe to let go, we'd rather lose a pincer than end an equation ) I'm not given to knee jerk responses (at least in this regard :)) . I understand that even the most compatible equations sometimes have differences ; A lot of the time I'm happy to agree to disagree and allow sufficient space in each relationship for individuals to breathe and do their own thing. I don't judge people either and do have fairly high degrees of empathy so am (most of the time) able to see where the other person could be coming from and try always to levy the benefit of the doubt.
However I have always had a very strong response to anyone standing in judgement of another and will always shut it down unequivocally. I notice I have started drifting away from judgemental types , people with regressive views who try and force me to live within their extremely confined parameters. I'm happy in my "each to their own bubble" thank you and I certainly cannot allow people who've seen much less of the world than I have dictate the course of my life and actions.
What will guarantee me disconnecting from a friendship is a lack of respect and integrity.. (ultimately one leads to the other). If I find someone disparaging about my choices, condescending (under the guise of being caring, sorry but there are ways to communicate) and someone like me can always sense the underlying intent; do you genuinely care or are you competitive ?threatened? intimidated? jealous even?
Have you respected my time as you expect me to respect yours? Or do you expect me to be available at your whim and convenience? Do you bitch others out or speculate about their lives in my presence? You can bet your ass I know you'll be doing the same to me the second my backs turned so no I wont trust you and I wont let you near me. Gossip to me is abhorrent and has no place in my life.
I saved the best (sic) for last...those who make tall claims to care deeply, to always be there etc etc... and conveniently do a volte face when the time arrives . I have zero regard for people who make tall claims without the capability or intent to back them up. Those are the first to be shown the door. I have very little expectation from most of my relationships but if you are going to make declarations then I expect you to stand by them. And if you don't then I'm sorry but I cannot surround myself with artifice. I feel things very deeply and am always genuine so pardon me for being reluctant to dilute that energy!
Of course you know that I hold myself to these same high standards and that's what draws you to me right? You know your confidences are safe with me, you know you wont be judged and you know I will do what I say :)! Pardon me for having the courage to live in authenticity.
