Moment(s) of Truth...

#moment of (many) #truth(s)... @my centre I am #calm.I may move @ the speed of light ,4 the #truth I will always fight...multitask, reverbrate #intense#energy... even #light,
Withstand incredible degrees of #change and/ or #loss which to any other could easily derange... but my core remains #unshaken....

My energy is oft time's easily mistaken...

To this simple truth I will adhere..

Dust we are and Dust we will return... all that remains is our soul's churn...why then choose to play... lurk in shadows gray...allow fear , lack & darkness in2 da fray?

You may appear calm but I see through the facade I aint buyin in2 the B.S. brigade...when what lies beneath is gray...my instincts pick up every stray....
For me 2 truly #connect with your #light...

Within serenity, contentment & equilibrium you must play....

Hold on 2 letting go....

A recent post on fb triggered this... A friends response to my fiery spiel regarding showing certain people the door in my life , made me stop and think.

The lady in question is an extremely gentle soul ; I strongly doubt she could ever rub anyone up the wrong way and the fact that what I'd said resonated with her and several others made me think...

What makes us as adults finally opt to sever ties and end relationships which we may have nurtured over the years? I'm not necessarily referring to romantic relationships solely ; in this instance I meant platonic equations.

I guess I can only speak for myself ... as someone who's nurtured and valued friendships for decades and as a Cancerian (known to be loathe to let go, we'd rather lose a pincer than end an equation ) I'm not given to knee jerk responses (at least in this regard :)) . I understand that even the most compatible equations sometimes have differences ; A lot of the time I'm happy to agree to disagree and allow sufficient space in each relationship for individuals to breathe and do their own thing. I don't judge people either and do have fairly high degrees of empathy so am (most of the time) able to see where the other person could be coming from and try always to levy the benefit of the doubt.

However I have always had a very strong response to anyone standing in judgement of another and will always shut it down unequivocally. I notice I have started drifting away from judgemental types , people with regressive views who try and force me to live within their extremely confined parameters. I'm happy in my "each to their own bubble"  thank you and I certainly cannot allow people who've seen much less of the world than I have dictate the course of my life and actions.

What will guarantee me disconnecting from a friendship is a lack of respect and integrity.. (ultimately one leads to the other). If I find someone disparaging about my choices, condescending (under the guise of being caring, sorry but there are ways to communicate) and someone like me can always sense the underlying intent; do you genuinely care or are you competitive ?threatened? intimidated?  jealous even?

Have you respected my time as you expect me to respect yours? Or do you expect me to be available at your whim and convenience? Do you bitch others out or speculate about their lives in my presence? You can bet your ass I know you'll be doing the same to me the second my backs turned so no I wont trust you and I wont let you near me. Gossip to me is abhorrent and has no place in my life.

I saved the best (sic) for last...those who make tall claims to care deeply, to always be there etc etc... and conveniently do a volte face when the time arrives . I have zero regard for people who make tall claims without the capability or intent to back them up. Those are the first to be shown the door. I have very little expectation from most of my relationships  but if you are going to make declarations then I expect you to stand by them. And if you don't then I'm sorry but I cannot surround myself with artifice. I feel things very deeply and am always genuine so pardon me for being reluctant to dilute that energy!

Of course you know that I hold myself to these same high standards and that's what draws you to me right?  You know your confidences are safe with me, you know you wont be judged and you know I will do what I say :)! Pardon me for having the courage to live in authenticity.

And then...you.

Took u long enough 2 show
So many false alarms
So many woes...
Literally deluged
Love meant a series of blows.
Faith was a path I lost long ago.

 
I had no clue you'd finally arrive...
And when you did u chose such
a brilliant disguise.

Every fear , Every doubt
You found each whisper
And Shouted 'em out.

As trite as it seems ... the books get it right...
  Our energy inflames...
Literal dynamite.
Too much proximity can truly singe..
And so we rock back n forth
in a passionate binge.

And yet with flames that burn so bright.
We stay cocooned in bliss ,
Serene delight.
WhileI know the battle for equilibrium exists..
My quest to keep you in the light always...
Persists.


 My own fears.. against my heart will constantly impale...
Should I stay or should I bail
I stopped fighting when dawn finally broke...
Fate had delivered its masterstroke
The battle internal so deeply ingrained...
Hope was a drug
I didnt dare inhale.

So many exhales .. so many years..

 Perceived Realities shattered ...

Many new tears...

Drops of gratitude , n joy abound

That once in a lifetime love's 

Finally come around.

Took me 4ever 2 get 2 this place... Where loving u is only grace :)!

Stay open. Stay true... just so love can renew..

"And the Day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin 



If we insist we know everything there is to know...
Are we allowing ourselves any room to grow?💐
If what we know for sure becomes a cage we must endure
Is Humanity forever without cure?

You think your life's story is sacrosanct
Well dont go taking that to the  bank
Life's beauty remains a story untold
Stay curious and open , just  enough so it can  unfold.
Contrary views, all things amazing... wonder abounds ...
Just so long as you keep gazing.

My heart has grown weary of cynical hues
Why pray tell, must 1 view be true?
Can we not see that nature's laws so divine
That Glamour & Guile seldom entwine.

Stay open... stay true..
No matter your view
History often repeats itself
But not oft times consequence..
The ending  may justify turbulence...

Its easy to believe that die once cast...
Will seldom show naught but
 past dark...
It takes courage and vision to chance beyond..
Dance through the unknown...
Unfettered , unbound.....
Who knows ...untold glee manifold...


Leave just enough room to be surprised...
Cast aside the worldly wise...
For Miracles tread softly... most  appear
In disguise.
Rise above fear, blinkers &; hate...
Our life's quest...
Only Love can sate.

Love like this...

 Love like this is hard 2 believe...

Instant, pure & true...

Impossible for most to percieve.

Still...  if I didnt believe ... would it have come into view?

A love like this is rare...

All consuming,  naked...aware....

Feeling's near impossible 2 bear.

Love like this is certainly new...

All consuming passion...

Still Timeless  & True.

For a love like this...I will always thank fate...

My deepest yearnings it did indeed sate.

I know naught how long love like this last's

But Im certain... our soul's were entwined several lifetimes past.

I was born with a smile... 
my trust & generosity go on 4 a while...
 fact is I can clearly see...
the wood from the trees 
& always the best u were born 2 be.... smile emoticon! 
Of your shortcomings, misgivings & occasional dents... 
I will seldom pay 2 much heed , critique or vent.
This means naught that I dont see them or cant comprehend....
the truth is they are of scarce conseqence . 
Know that I am rooted but can still bend..
.Ill give u a long rope , courage and sense...
but insist i will on respect , cheer & space.... 
reneging on these guarantees a fall from grace...
know also that fear in my life.. has no place.
Push me enough & Ill be gone without trace.

Betrayal wears many dresses.... how 2 lose friends & alienate people...

Little Ms. Sunshine... may have a teeny problem... her rose colored glasses appear 2 have slipped  &;; woe... so have many a mask...

For someone who has always only been able to see sunshine even through some pretty heavy clouds &;; rainbows even in typhoon weather...youd better believe this was a pretty harsh awakening. Ive always preferred 2 believe the best of people &; situations and hope I can continue to do so albeit with  a slightly more realistic perspective. Im not perfect... but then I dont judge... I dont expect perfection from my friends ( no thats only from my man :))  but I do expect  empathy @ the very least. And I do believe women need 2 build each other up not tear each other apart...
All I can say is I am done with  leaving encounters with "friends" with  a heavyness in my being... Betrayal wears many dresses.

Rest assured though..before you can say hidden agenda yours truly has boundaried up... but I thought it would be helpful... not 2 mention amusing... to highlight a few true blue "frenemy types" (remember award season shall shortly be upon us...)

How 2 spot em (hopefully a mile away) & avoid em like the plague...

Without further ado...

1) The "friend" who loved me : This one purports 2 adore you... shes always sooooooooo worried about you... on days when you are down and out... freaking out  in worst case scenario land... she pounces and proceeds to outline each unhappy ending with an " Im so worried about you ..." thrown in 4 good measure... note this friend is no where to be seen in any other capacity .. so you can forget about counting on her to actually god forbid HELP out in  your time of need... BIN.

2) The "friend" who judged me.. Oh there's quite a few of these floating about.. you know the type... eye rolls whilst you are mid sentence.. pointed close ended questions will be flung at u  before u can even complete sentence no. 3... no point trying to explain anything.. the gavel has long pounded in this all knowing souls eyes... they have been there done that &;; know the outcome .. in fact its quite likely she believes u are just making stuff up for " attention"!  So save ur breath and ur time...this type comes in several varieties... theres Ms. Married whos Mr you will fiind plays quite a significant role as juror... then theres Ms. Critical who gets to comment on how you look, dress, speak, eat, walk , talk... even work out...  I know one such who will not shut up about my hair, work out choices.... has she got it right you ask? er.......


3) The "friend" who confused u with the couch ... This one believes you exist solely 2 be her shrink... she will get totally outraged should you ever express a desire to talk about yourself... to be fair she has the attention span of a gnat...buy her an atlas and be done with it. Small note of caution though... do get far away from her... once it dawns that the world doesnt actually revolve around her there will be consequences...

4)  Even the club cant handle her now... Little Ms. I must be one up... not to be confused with the lady above... is solely about onewomanupship... many a time Ive been quite confounded to find my story hijacked and ...er "identified " with to the degree it is now about this (not so little) Madam...for eg me " such and such happened with this guy"...  she .."oh it happened 2 me 2 .." me... " oh such and such happened @ work.."  she.. " oh even I...." er... the temptation 2 claim I landed on Venus is high just 2 see how she matches that...

5) Dictator/ Diva... Her way or the high way... Good grief...I have lost my identity with this lady... Im simply required 2 don whatever hat she may require of the moment... driver, confidant, pupil... she decides & woe betide u express so much a peep much less an opinion... she will subject u 2 the rant of a lifetime...threaten u with small pox   n lord knows what...  www.tantrumsrus.com. Please note its not like she shines like a beacon of  sucess & achievement.... but somwhere appears 2 have rationalised reality to the degree that she truly believes she " knows whats best 4 u...." RUN.


6) The Typical types... Ill bet the Titanic was sunk by similar sets of flapping lips... u know the kind? u tell her something in confidence... thats the easiest way 2 ensure it reverbrates (twice) round the block. All intoned in hushed whispers mind... use sparingly should you need 2 communicate something in a widespread fashion & only if u r on a budget...

7) Little Ms. anti social media... she stalks but she wont walk her talk...  the one who has a dp  from the (early 90s).. actively follows everything I ( & everyone else ) says or does but purports not to have any time 2 waste on social media... er...

In conclusion I must be fair here and (re)  acknoweldge my own naivete ...in terms of recommended further course of action... I   can only quote from my flying days ... ( & here I thought there was scarce intellectual value add 2 be gleaned 4rm that era...)  we had particular terminology for garbage that needed instant removal... GASH!