So I met yet another Mr. Could be right... most boxes ticked & we got talking...the sheer sweetness of silly late night phonecalls got me thinking ...back to times of yore... that same sweet feeling... the connect ,the promise/ possibility of fulfilment ... could your dreams be coming true?
& yet it was (harsh bump 2 reality accompanied by loud clanging noise for effect ) different.
Thats when it hit me...& got me thinking of all the ways relationships differ from our younger days.
We are older but are we really wiser? Does it make sense to cling on to past fears and baggage? Will the past necessarily repeat? Is everyone the same?
Hes thinking ok so I wont reveal too much of myself till Im sure of her... Im thinking how will I ever know you if you wont let me? How will love survive if you dont give it a fair chance? Is it right to project my past fears on to this person? Just because men in the past have behaved a certain way is it necessary he will too?
Ditto for me. When I look at it rationally I'm not very likely to behave/ react the way his ex girlfriends/ wife has. So how can I expect him to?
You know all those books on men being from mars & women from venus? Are we really all so typical? If it was so easy to manage / predict behaviour surely no one would ever split up?
So I had words with this guy when I discovered hed been economical with the truth re several important aspects of his life. His reasoning was its early days and he didnt want to reveal too much of himself till he was certain he could trust me.
I on the other hand as usual was as transparant as always. (It always leaves me feeling a little foolish when this happens)but frankly I like who I am too much to want to change ... am I a fool or are you/is he?
I did try and see it from his point of view but couldnt, because how on earth will we get to know each other if we keep stuff hidden about ourselves.
If like me you have been burned is the answer to shut yourself off from hurt?
Wont you also shut yourself off from love?
Because someone in your past hurt you is it right to lie today? Again I think not.
My phone is still ringing... Im still not picking it up :D! And hell thats a lot different from before .
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Of flying eyebrows & Awareness
So it seems I cant roam around Mumbai without bumping into someone i know or used to know...(is this here city becoming 2 small 2 hold me ? thats a whole other blog methinks), Yesterday was in Bandra and bumped into a lady I went to school with and havent laid eyes on since 1988! The years have been kind to both of us fortunately as we both recognised the other immediately.
I wonder though what wouldve happened if i pretended NOT to be me? After the way our conversation went its definitely an option worth considering in the future...
So we greeted each other (I have to say my greeting was less effusive as I was never very fond of this lady at school and Im not great at faking my feelings, never have been its an art I have yet to perfect etc etc etc)
She asked me if I was married to which I said not anymore, her expression changed in a flash.. she said "oh... any issues"? It took me a second to figure she meant kids, in horrified tones I said no.. so she said "oh even so and so (another girl from our batch) is in the same boat but the poor thing has issues..."
She went on to invite me to meet up at a forthcoming reunion when I (as usual unable to hide my true feelings) failed to show suitable enthusiasm for the same she said " oh you are looking soooo lost... you should come you wont feel lost there, everyone will be really surprised to see you!" Id rather visit my dentist thanks!
She asked me what I did for a living.. how i felt moving back to India after so much time abroad.. dripping condecscension... I didnt have the heart to explain to her that I chose to move home.
Having had quite enough of all this I looked at her raised an eyebrow and asked "And er I understand that you have 2 kids and thats fabulous.. but what is it that you actually do for a living? " To which she got extremely flustered insisted that she couldnt possibly work as she had 2 whole kids and no support system.. and that she did her bit by volunteering.. I just let my eyebrows fly higher...so she swiftly literally physically reversed and said " my kids.. I must go and fetch them.. bye bye...:)!"
I insist I wouldve been nicer if she'd left the kids out of it..I dont get what makes people that insecure and unhappy that they feel they need to indulge in one upmanship in such a cruel fashion... if I have more than someone else I sure as hell wouldnt want to rub their nose in it... I may feel empathy and/or pity.. I may want to help even but thats about it ;for the life of me I cannot understand people like this. And this kinda thing usually doesnt even bother me much I find it hilarious and usually at the most would wonder what would trigger this sorta behaviour ..
This time I reacted more strongly because the other lady she mentioned has seen far less of the world than I have and consequentially I believe is less aware/ exposed to her options and her own potential ..and its women like this who will be hurt and made to think less of themselves needlessly.
It would be a different matter if the comments came from someone uneducated / unaware, this lwoman (sorry wont call her a lady) is none of those things. So come on girlfriends.. if you are reading this and know someone like this do all of us a favour.. maker her a little more aware?
K
I wonder though what wouldve happened if i pretended NOT to be me? After the way our conversation went its definitely an option worth considering in the future...
So we greeted each other (I have to say my greeting was less effusive as I was never very fond of this lady at school and Im not great at faking my feelings, never have been its an art I have yet to perfect etc etc etc)
She asked me if I was married to which I said not anymore, her expression changed in a flash.. she said "oh... any issues"? It took me a second to figure she meant kids, in horrified tones I said no.. so she said "oh even so and so (another girl from our batch) is in the same boat but the poor thing has issues..."
She went on to invite me to meet up at a forthcoming reunion when I (as usual unable to hide my true feelings) failed to show suitable enthusiasm for the same she said " oh you are looking soooo lost... you should come you wont feel lost there, everyone will be really surprised to see you!" Id rather visit my dentist thanks!
She asked me what I did for a living.. how i felt moving back to India after so much time abroad.. dripping condecscension... I didnt have the heart to explain to her that I chose to move home.
Having had quite enough of all this I looked at her raised an eyebrow and asked "And er I understand that you have 2 kids and thats fabulous.. but what is it that you actually do for a living? " To which she got extremely flustered insisted that she couldnt possibly work as she had 2 whole kids and no support system.. and that she did her bit by volunteering.. I just let my eyebrows fly higher...so she swiftly literally physically reversed and said " my kids.. I must go and fetch them.. bye bye...:)!"
I insist I wouldve been nicer if she'd left the kids out of it..I dont get what makes people that insecure and unhappy that they feel they need to indulge in one upmanship in such a cruel fashion... if I have more than someone else I sure as hell wouldnt want to rub their nose in it... I may feel empathy and/or pity.. I may want to help even but thats about it ;for the life of me I cannot understand people like this. And this kinda thing usually doesnt even bother me much I find it hilarious and usually at the most would wonder what would trigger this sorta behaviour ..
This time I reacted more strongly because the other lady she mentioned has seen far less of the world than I have and consequentially I believe is less aware/ exposed to her options and her own potential ..and its women like this who will be hurt and made to think less of themselves needlessly.
It would be a different matter if the comments came from someone uneducated / unaware, this lwoman (sorry wont call her a lady) is none of those things. So come on girlfriends.. if you are reading this and know someone like this do all of us a favour.. maker her a little more aware?
K
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